Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.
~~ Chinese Proverb ~~
He says, “ I wish you would stop worry about every damn thing. You are going to drive yourself crazy.”
I can’t help it. I am a worrier! I was nervous as a child. I was nervous as a teenager. I have always been nervous.
If you have never been nervous, you don’t know what it’s like. People act like it is something I want to do. I don’t wake every morning and say, Oh, ZI just can’t wait to be a nervous wreck all day and worry myself to death about everybody and just about jump out of my skin every time the phone rings. I wish you would try to understand. I guess its just part of nature. Some animals are nervous and some animals aren’t. I don’t know why, but I am sure the good Lord has his reasons. You can’t change people’s nature. You can’t say to a bird, be more like a cow. Or a lion to be more like a monkey. I wish I could change.
Why do you suppose people get flustered in the presence of beauty?
I suppose it’s because beauty is desirable – to be close to beauty is to be close to something you want. When you want something badly but cannot have it, you get flustered.
At the CETC they use a little white towel rolled up and taped at both ends. They have a room with a while wall full of holes. A trainer stands behind the wall with the towels; inside one of the holes is a sample of cocaine or heroin. When the dog detects the scent, he walks up to the hole and the man sticks the towel out – that’s the reward. The dog could care less about finding drugs; all he wants is the towel. That’s all the dog ever does – he spends his whole life searching for that little white towel.
What’s your little white towel?
Why should I feel inferior? I had only learned these revelations myself a few days ago. I should not take responsibility for them. It isn’t about me; it was about my siblings, my parents – about things done to me and not about things I have done myself. None of it changed any essential fact about me – about the woman I am or the things I have managed to accomplish all on my own.
For some reason I still feel that something precious had been taken from me, and the feeling makes me angry and afraid. I hate that feeling – the feeling of being along, of being the only one different.