Hurts Everyday

As I went downstairs for the familiar routine of letting CiCi, my beloved Chihuahua, out and turning on the lights.  Suddenly, the thought hit me, hit me hard:  Is that part of the problem?  I want to have that wonderful feeling of looking forward to the end of the day and being with someone who loves me and whom I love?

Yes, it is what I want, what I crave.

Sadly, I have not found that.  I'm 44 years old and I have not found that.

I'm at the point where I do not believe I will find that.

And that hurts.  Hurts everyday.